Twenty-two years ago, when Mike and I were first married, my parents said that they were throwing away their lumpy, old, horrible mattress. Being broke newlyweds, we told them that lumpy, old, and horrible sounded free to us so we would take their mattress.
Two months ago we decided that it was finally time to purchase a nice mattress for our middle-aged backs. Memory foam is all the rage these days, so we forked over the much-more-than-expected money and proudly hauled the heavy thing home. The next morning we smiled at each other in silence and stiffly limped about our breakfast ritual. Six days later we were watching TV well past our normal bedtime.
"Is there anything else you want to watch?" I asked when the late-night show ended.
"No," Mike moaned.
"I guess we should go to bed," I sighed.
"I can't!" Mike fairly shouted. "I just can't take it! I hate that mattress!"
"Thank God! I hate it so much!"
"We will return it tomorrow."
I put our old 4 inch mattress topper on the horrid memory foam, and we slept uncomfortably, but peacefully knowing it would be the last night we had to endure such sleeping conditions.
We overstayed our welcome at the mattress store the next day. The store offered only one chance to exchange the hated memory foam for something else, and we wanted to make sure we made the right choice. We finally settled on one, and, even though we had to pay extra, we smiled knowing it couldn't be worse.
"Did that mattress look super tall to you?" Mike asked over the phone the next day.
"No. Why?"
"I just dropped it off at home, and the pillow top on it is so big you can hardly see the headboard anymore."
"Well, at least it should be nice to sleep on!" I said, looking forward to finally sleeping soundly.
The next morning we smiled at each other in silence and stiffly limped about our breakfast ritual. Six nights later we stood silently by the bed, hanging our heads in dread, as we were about to climb in for the night.
"I can't do it!" I fairly shouted. "Thanks for buying such a nice new mattress for us, but I just hate it!"
"Thank God! I hate it so much!"
I dragged out our old 4 inch mattress topper and piled it on the mattress. Since the new height of the mattress was well above my belly button, Mike had to climb in first and then pull me up.
And that is why our fancy, new mattress is leaning against a wall while we sleep soundly on the lumpy, old mattress we know and love.
Two months ago we decided that it was finally time to purchase a nice mattress for our middle-aged backs. Memory foam is all the rage these days, so we forked over the much-more-than-expected money and proudly hauled the heavy thing home. The next morning we smiled at each other in silence and stiffly limped about our breakfast ritual. Six days later we were watching TV well past our normal bedtime.
"Is there anything else you want to watch?" I asked when the late-night show ended.
"No," Mike moaned.
"I guess we should go to bed," I sighed.
"I can't!" Mike fairly shouted. "I just can't take it! I hate that mattress!"
"Thank God! I hate it so much!"
"We will return it tomorrow."
I put our old 4 inch mattress topper on the horrid memory foam, and we slept uncomfortably, but peacefully knowing it would be the last night we had to endure such sleeping conditions.
We overstayed our welcome at the mattress store the next day. The store offered only one chance to exchange the hated memory foam for something else, and we wanted to make sure we made the right choice. We finally settled on one, and, even though we had to pay extra, we smiled knowing it couldn't be worse.
"Did that mattress look super tall to you?" Mike asked over the phone the next day.
"No. Why?"
"I just dropped it off at home, and the pillow top on it is so big you can hardly see the headboard anymore."
"Well, at least it should be nice to sleep on!" I said, looking forward to finally sleeping soundly.
The next morning we smiled at each other in silence and stiffly limped about our breakfast ritual. Six nights later we stood silently by the bed, hanging our heads in dread, as we were about to climb in for the night.
"I can't do it!" I fairly shouted. "Thanks for buying such a nice new mattress for us, but I just hate it!"
"Thank God! I hate it so much!"
I dragged out our old 4 inch mattress topper and piled it on the mattress. Since the new height of the mattress was well above my belly button, Mike had to climb in first and then pull me up.
And that is why our fancy, new mattress is leaning against a wall while we sleep soundly on the lumpy, old mattress we know and love.
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