The strongest drug I indulge in is Advil, and when I am in need of a good buzz, I partake of a Cherry Coke. All that sugar makes me crazy. So, there is really no reason to believe that I slur my speech or mumble incoherently. However, my phone seems to disagree.
Voice commands and voice texting are well and good. In fact, it is one of the most useful features they have recently added to phones. But when I text my husband that I am going to do errands on this side of town until Drake is out and the text actually tells him, "I'm just Gonna Nuzum errands over on this Phaethon until Jacobs out," he gets confused. He doesn't know how where the Phaethon is. Likewise, he had no idea where to pick up the "phone brushes" my text asked him to remember to bring home. When I was supposed to meet him and was close but going to be late, he was really thrown off with, "The closer and I Gonna be great." When Makenna asked where I was and I texted her, "I am homepage," it caught on and now she has checked in with me while she was at "schoolpage" and "workpage."
Voice texting has also come back to bite me when my brother tried to teach me all about a voice texting app. Apparently it works similar to a walkie-talkie. I thought I had the hang of it and tried to teach it to my husband later that night. Although I was sitting next to him on the couch, I told him to watch his phone for the alert, and I whispered a sultry, romantic message into my phone. He never got the alert, but my brother, whose name is also Mike, hasn't been the same since. I made it worse by messaging my brother the instant I discovered he had mistakingly received the steamy message meant for my husband and attempting to explain. The situation struck me as hilarious and I only ended up being able to laugh into the phone, which sounded a lot like heavy breathing. Then I deleted the app. I can't be trusted with it.
Since planning is really not my thing, I have been trying to take advantage of the reminder system my phone came installed with. I can simply say to my phone, "Remind me that Josiah has a doctor's appointment at ten on Tuesday," and my phone will willingly comply. But, the system is flawed for me. Because my phone believes I slur and mumble. Which is why I now am questioning whether rehab is for me. My phone has reminded me to Boil Mange when I was supposed to get my oil changed, Memoree On Fence when I was supposed to go to Emery's conference, and Kick Up Fake when I was supposed to pick up Drake.
I have to admit that when these reminders pop up, it takes me a very long time to figure out what I am supposed to be doing. Since the reminders were made days or weeks before they pop onto my screen, I am usually at a loss.
And one time my phone threw me into a panic.
I rushed out to my car with my arms full when my phone made the cute noise it makes when it is trying to tell me not to forget something important. Juggling all the stuff I was carrying, I craned my neck to see over a sack full of items to return. There in black ink on the screen of my phone was the reminder nobody wants - Meeting with death.
I didn't throw it, but I did drop it. I don't think that phone will ever say a thing like that again.
And I totally missed my meeting with Beth.
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