Canine Potty Time

You never know what will happen when you step out your front door. You think you know. You think, at least, that you have a pretty good idea. But then you are so, so wrong.

We have a nightly ritual around here. I put the girls to bed while Mike puts the boys to bed. Then we take the dogs outside. The dogs run around and remark all of their territory in case anybody might have forgotten that this is their land while Mike and I gaze up at the stars and comment on how bright they are now that we live in the country. Seriously, those things are VISIBLE out here. So, we met at the front door with our dogs, opened it, and then things got weird. Really weird.

Being that we live in the country and being that the night out here is dark-dark, we didn't see it at first.
"Hey," Mike said after tearing his gaze away from the brilliance of the heavens, "someone is here."
"Who?" I asked.
"I'm not sure, but there is a truck in our driveway. See?"

Indeed, there was a truck in our driveway. Assuming it could be any number of people who are known to randomly visit us, we walked over to figure out who had decided to say hello. Since our front yard is quite large and we were on the opposite side, it took us awhile to make the trek.
"I don't recognize that truck," Mike commented.
"I don't either. Do you hear a noise?"
"It sounds like someone inside the truck is locking and unlocking the locks."
"That's a weird thing to do."

The super-darkness didn't allow us to look in the window to recognize our guest, so, thinking that whoever was visiting us might be slow to exit due to carrying a bunch of stuff, Mike opened the driver's side door to lend a hand. Turned out, we had two guests. And we did not know them. And they were not really visiting us. But they were really busy. With each other. Naked. REALLY busy. And naked.

I think I should explain that when someone is IN YOUR VERY OWN DRIVEWAY, you just assume they are there to see you. But when you are facing two people you have never seen before and they are getting busy IN YOUR VERY OWN DRIVEWAY, it takes your brain a moment to process this strange information. How our brains decided to handle the situation was to stand and stare with our jaws hanging open. But that didn't fix anything because all these two people did was act startled and confused. They didn't scream; they didn't even stop.

Nothing will surprise you like experiencing pornography in person during your canine potty time.

"Why are you here?" Mike asked, and, really, it was a good question.
"Uhh," the ultra intelligent guy responded.
"I LIVE HERE!" Mike explained to him. Then just to help him out a bit he added, "YOU'RE IN MY FRONT YARD!"
"Sorry," he mumbled.

And then, because what is better than making an awkward situation even more awkward, my fat, lazy puppy who never runs, jumps, or gets overly excited, took a running leap, and jumped into the truck. She landed amidst four tangled feet and began smelling around. Since she was in the truck, Arrow felt that he should also participate in the fun. However, he was tall enough to just place his paws on these two naked strangers and stick his nose between the two of them.

Then some pandaemonium ensued during which we tried to pull our dogs away from the naked people and the naked people tried to find their brains. We couldn't have been more relieved as we stood and watched them drive away. But then, the truck stopped at the end of the driveway. Then the horn honked. And honked again. They were back at it.

The police came an hour later, but it took awhile to wake them up. We went to bed feeling highly entertained.

I don't make this stuff up.

I don't have to.